Friday, January 26, 2007

the Supermarket Slaughterhouse Anthem

Next year, same time, things will probably be somewhat different from where I am now. These are the attempts to write an entertaining collection of meaningless contemplations and tales leading up to the coming changes...


This event, being my first extrahollandial move, requires a lot of ties to cut loose. Ties include the emotional ones, such as letting go of the local elevator surfing elderlies and my much beloved local Hoogvliet-supermarket. No in fact... scrap that. I will definitely not miss the Hoogvliet with it's uberannoying puppet theaters.


For those unfamiliar with the Hoogvliet puppet phenomenon (and hopefully that's most of you), one can find a bunch of puppets who sing to kids (I presume) about all the fantastic products the Hoogvliet has to offer.


The irony of it all is that these puppets are singing in a eerie kind of self referential way; pink fluffy pigs sing about the great pork chops available, and cows praise the slabs of beef below their hoofs. It's almost too much like walking into the restaurant at the end of the galaxy.


The latest development is that these puppets apparently have developed a sense of intelligence and loyalty to their own kind. If I recall correctly, the pigs are praising the beef instead of the pork chops these days... I'm not sure if the cows caught on this new sense of animal equality, since they sheepishly started singing about attractiveness of the (unrepresented) chicken department.


I can only imagine the intentions of the marketing guru who came up with this mind blowing idea, that it might be nice to have animals advertise their own bloody limbs. I suspect he / she must have had a dubious career in solving potential traffic jams, since the only confirmed effect of this entertainment is that whenever these puppets start chanting their slaughterhouse anthem, people scramble to get out of that place as fast as possible.


Hopefully the Canadian supermarkets have not discovered this untapped PR potential yet, as I'm really looking forward to be able to shop without a fluffy Moose yelping aboot the benefits of eating its own rear end.


porkers promoting the goods



Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Looking ahead


Next year, same time, things will probably be somewhat different from where I am now. Provided that bad luck stays happily in its miserable corner and everything lives up to what I expect it to be, I'll be in a different country, different city and a different job. Moreover my social standing will be upgraded from “random white male” to “random white male + offspring v1.0” . It's a lot to look out for, it's a lot to live up to but also there will be a lot left behind.


It's been an exciting last half year that has lead to my current situation, which required a lot of non trivial decision making. The result of this all is that I'm leaving my family and friends behind, as well as my much appreciated, highly valued, significant other (for a while at least). In order to keep them updated of all the trivial events and without doubt, marvelous adventures, I've decided to start this little blog. The likelihood of this blog yielding an accurate (or interesting) day to day diary will be slim, but every now and then I'll post a short update of what's going on.


Considering that not everyone of my intended readers is endowed with the same astonishing understanding of the English language, I'll add a short Dutch version for those interested. My ultimate intentions in this respect are of course to make sure I bore both of you Dutch-only s and English – only s to the same degree.


Happy reading