a Chatter Dutch Love

Next year, same time, things will probably be somewhat different from where I am now. These are the attempts to write an entertaining collection of meaningless contemplations and tales leading up to the coming changes...

The Undutchables gave a nice perspective on us Dutch but not necessarily a nice, acceptable perspective. Apparently we have a quite a few quirks accumulated in our cultural blind spot. Quirks which are extensively discussed in an oft heated matter on sites like Expactica ... the word Dutchybashing comes to mind in those contexts.

We Dutch tend to praise ourselves as a bunch of blessed people, cherishing concepts like liberty and acceptance of other cultures. Or ... was that praised ? Whoever took the effort to keep an eye on Dutch politics lately, may have noticed that fairy tale should be taken with a grain of salt or two. But then again, when it comes to the narrow mindedness of our nation, we cannot make any big claims without, in all lameness and correctschaft, realizing that this concept is "relative".

... Meanwhile .... Racing towards the spotlight of attention was our friend: the point.

Snide remarks regarding our small scale politics aside: nothing symbolizes the in-the-box thinking of the Dutch as the Dutch Elevator Chat (the observing reader will immediately recognize what this anagrams (*) to). The SO pointed out that this typical habit, is not that common outside Holland. In fact she claims, it is considered somewhat freaky or even as psychopathic behavior everywhere else but Holland.

For those unfamiliar with this concept: a Dutch Elevator Chat occurs when two unrelated persons meet in an elevator and one of them feels the social need to start a conversation. For your reading pleasure, Canadian Update presents: a prototypical Dutch Elevator Chat scenario (tm).

Person A, being totally awesome, enters the elevator minding himself.

Person B enters shortly after.

Person B can be best described as a combination of wrinkly -, uninteresting -, slightly retarded - and socially challenged tissue. It's not uncommon that B forgot to take that much needed shower that morning. Again.

Person A, being totally awesome, greets B politely.

Person B, mistaking this for an open invitation to start rambling on nothing in particular opens with a generic complaint.

Person A, being totally awesome, looks around the small box, checking if it's really him B is talking to.
Person B, detecting a weakness, now directly cuts to how everything was better in the old days.

Person A, being totally awesome, checks how many floors there are left.

Person B, getting on a roll, feels comfortable enough to discuss a random but disgusting ailment.

Person B opens its mouth for more tortuous interaction, only to be interrupted by the elevator coming to a halt. Lo and behold: Person C enters. Being of the same species as B, the air is filled with shrieks of joy and recognition. The newly formed tag team wastes no time. Complaints are exchanged, misplaced melancholy finds recognition and bodily defects are compared...

... somewhere between the ground floor and the elevator someone's sanity whithers away

It is said, that Dutch Elevator Chat victims rarely stand a chance. Sooner or later they succumb to their inflictions and join the ranks of the elevator surfing undead. Rumor has it, that the disease has mutated and found new despicable forms.

I wish I could conclude with a happy end ... but I fear, it's all too obvious there was none.

Dedicated to that friendly old geezer, who always had a quaint story to tell.

Waste three non refundable minutes of your life to give politically correct answers and reap the rewards:

http://www.blogthings.com/howopenmindedareyouquiz/

(*) To anagram; to make an anagram out of something. In this case "Dutch Elevator Chat" anagrams to "a Chatter Dutch Love".