Next year, same time, things will probably be somewhat different from where I am now. These are the classified reports keeping the home front informed about what's really going on in Canadia.
After these commercially inspired intermissions, we continue with more hockey (*).
Ice hockey, “the game Canadia put on the map”, starts off with singing the national anthem. A necessity because the NHL features both Canadian teams and teams from their anthem loving southern neighbours. The average American activity nowadays appears to demand a gung ho style kick-off, including a song identifying the individual on one or more national or institutional level(s). Because the Canadians cannot let the Americans get ahead in the game, they too started singing their national pride. Ultimately, this results in a pre-game cold war, where the other team is subtly dissed by the singer or the singer suddenly “forgets” the words altogether... oh well, shit happens and their anthem is crap anyway: have a good game chaps !
After the musical or slightly musical start, the hockey activities start.
To the untrained eye, it may seem like ice hockey is actually the activity in between a series of breaks. A hockey game consists of three periods of twenty minutes each. After twenty minutes, the teams get a full 15 minute break. Every period is broken in several sessions that are marked by the beginning and end of commercial intermissions. Furthermore, each session is halted by a face-off as soon as a team commits a serious or less serious foul, the goalie somehow traps the puck (grabbing it, falling on it or any other method also counts), or if a goal is made. Occasionally, two (or more) players may opt for a break by taking off the gloves, helmet and dropping the ice hockey rules all together in favour of boxing regulations.
Going for the flawless victory [cats-mania]
If all these breaks still leave a player without breath, he may decide to substitute himself for a fellow team mate. The latter results in entire teams getting substituted every thirty seconds or so. Apparently, this has nothing to do with a baseball like constitution of the players, but more with the fact that dragging around several kilograms of equipment manages to wear out the highest of the high-end athletes pretty quickly. Suggestions to wear less and play longer seem to conflict with other properties of the game, such as the temperatures required to maintain the ice, the obsession with skating into each other, and the puck which has a nasty tendency to leave bruises when caught with an unprotected body part. If implemented, it would probably result in a pussied-down version of ice hockey, much to the dismay of real men (tm).
The game, or rather the interbreak activities that pass off as ice hockey, are fast paced and highly enjoyable to anyone who loves a good team game. It didn't take much before I too found myself cheering for the Vancouver Canucks and yelling “Go Canucks Go” along with the mob. To 'R's and my delight, the Canucks defeated the LA Kings with a score of three to two. This victory brought Vancouver the third place in their division. The end result is important because a good ranking offers certain perks in the post-season playoffs.
The NHL playoffs are better known as the Stanley Cup, an over-the-top multi-layered silver icecream-cup. After the regular season, the best 8 teams of the west coast decide who faces the best of the east coast. These teams play each other in a series of the best of seven, to decide which team is the best ice hockey team of the northern Americas. Sadly, the Canucks won't win the Stanley Cup this year. After a tight 4-3 victory in the first round, Vancouver was over classed by the team with possibly the cutest name in the NHL... the Anaheim Ducks.
Showing its usual editorial brilliance, my favorite free “news”paper, the Metro, came up with the killer headline... “No, Canucks, No”. Nothing better than a bad punchline when they're down...
(*) After various complaints from the SO and Mr Jones, I promise this will be the last hockey episode. For a while at least
A flag for freedom, liberating "The number" [http://www.badmouth.net]
2 comments:
Mr Jones, and the rest of the British contingent that read this blog, thankyou for finishing your hockey tribute without going into 7 periods of extra time.
Yeah no more hockey, though I lost interest when it was pretty clear.. early on... that the Caps were out. Someday....?
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