Age: One week and a day or two

Dear Reader,

Seat yourself in your favorite chair, preferably one of the rocking kind under the reading light in your library. Spoil yourself, break open that fine bottle of red wine you kept for special occasions and pull out your secret stash of Cuban cigars. Take a deep breath as you look out of your mansion over the meadows into the setting sun. Muster all the intelligence your brain harbours, because you're going to need it as this entry peaks into the realm of diapers, burps, farts, poo and cheesy happiness. ZOMG it's baby time.

Entering fatherhood is a unique experience, which given my limited vocabulary, I can only describe as "intense". It's a touching kind of beauty to hold your offspring in your arms for the first time after the battle that is delivery - even if you play the humble role of support trooper. When your SO holds the kid and winks away a tear, it's little less than heartbreaking - in a good way. You have no choice, but that little package of flesh and bones immediately becomes the single most most precious thing in the world. Everything she does is the most endearing event ever.

baby - spa in Voorburg takes care of every aspect of your toddler

Personally I never had a thing with those screaming crying little gnomes who's obvious pink butt-ugliness was visible to everybody, but their parents. The fact that what I wrote in the previous section and mean every word of it, took me completely by surprise... I was totally unprepared for it in every way possible.

Not everything is bliss however. It's by no means a flawless and painless pink cloud one ends up in, those who claim otherwise should be "kicked in the face" to paraphrase the SO.

First victim of your beloved squirmy former parasite is your night's rest. The critter is on a three hour cycle of feeding, sleeping, waking, crying, pooping and peeing and nothing is going to stop it... So say hello to night and very early morning shifts. Also welcome sleep deprivation, sluggishness, irritability and absentmindednesses... Effectively, luckily nothing changed for me there.

What you thought you knew is worth squat now. You're a target driven, highly motivated team player, who excels in communication and professionalism and what not ? Congratulations - you're dealing with a new "team" member who couldn't care less. What it does care about are your diaper skillz, pacifying 133theid and feeding pro-ness ( also it doesn't mind body heat - any body heat)

a cute baby == a sleeping baby

Diapers , to start with, look deceptively easy right, put the baby in them and close it up ? Maybe you - dearest reader - are a natural and you missed your calling, diapering babies with your eyes closed. But most likely you'll go through one or more wet and stinky jeans before you get the hang of attaching them to a squirmy, screaming creature at 3:00 AM. As an added bonus I hope you won't object against removing juicy feces just after you worked on a quick snack...

Furthermore, what's the difference between a screaming baby, a crying baby and a howling baby ? Initially it will all be the same to you. The kid may operate in binary communication mode, to cry or not to cry, but there subtle signals which may help you understand if it needs food, release some gaseous bottom air, a clean diaper or merely doesn't want to be alone yet. Interpret incorrectly and you'll end up with more frustrating and unstoppable howling. Equip yourself with endless patience and alertness and life will become better quite fast. I understand from objective and knowing sources some good night rest can help ... night rest ... oh ... right.

Feeding is actually quite easy. If you're the male. Or use some baby milk formula. Since there are apparently great benefits to be gained from pure natural mother milk, the SO decided to go the way of the booby food. She got herself a nice book on the topic, explaining how much fun breastfeeding is and how to do it. The books comes with a fitting glossy 80s looking soft pr0n cover.

feeding the easy way

After a week of this endless bliss and fun, the SO is currently trying to figure where the author lives and put some jumper cables on her nipples to see if said author is capable of feeling anything at all. If so the same author may receive "a kick in the face", to quote the SO. Apparently breastfeeding can be quite "uncomfortable". I wouldn't know, as my boobs are of no interest to our offspring, but the SO's faces of agony give me a hint whenever our precious little darling latches on.

But dear reader, at the end of the day every problem or inconvenience you will encounter will turn out to be completely meaningless and worthwhile ... when you end up with shots like these.

Baby surrenders

- Happy Dad Out.